The Dress

Julia- My 5 yr old told me the other night about how excited she is that when she grows up she could one day wear my wedding dress and be beautiful.

My Heart sank at that moment. I don't have a wedding dress and didn't have a wedding dress when i married her father.

Marco and I this August have been together 10 years. We got married 9/14/2006. It was a Thursday, downtown Seattle at the Courthouse. We had orginally planned to get married down at the Kirkland Waterfront in this beautiful little gazebo they have there. That week Julia and I both were terribly sick, I was frustrated because I was trying to plan and arrange everything. We didn't have anyone to marry us, no cake and it was exhausting. The weather report said it was suppose to be cold and raining. I think my heart was broken and I gave up. A few days prior to the Saturday wedding date I just decided it was too much, it wasn't going to come together and it just wouldn't be what my heart wanted or needed so to avoid disappoinment I said there wasn't going to be an event that we were just going to the courthouse.

Little did I know years later my longing,my hearts cry, my need and want are to have those photos, those memories to be able to pass down a dress to my princess Julia. To be able to share that moment and that day with a heart full of love and joy. I don't have that.

Every once in awhile I catch myself "Oh wouldn't it be great to get married on 10-10-10 during our 10 years together" to have something special come togehter with friends and family. To have that first dance, the song, the kiss... it just makes me cry thinking about it. It is such a deep want/need in my heart.

I remember a few years ago we went to our church's Valentine dinner, they did a slideshow of the couples. The men were suppose to send in photos of them and their spouse, wedding day photos. We didn't have anything. Not one picture of us together. Marco didn't send anything in, it hurt. It was a firey dart to the deep core part of me. "we aren't like the others" I know those things don't define us but ya know sometimes it sure does.

I just had to share - I had to get it out- becasue it's a need!

Book Review- Captivating Revised and Expanded

John and Stasi Eldredge revise and update this runaway bestseller.

What Wild at Heart did for men, Captivating is doing for women. Setting their hearts free. This groundbreaking book shows readers the glorious design of women before the fall, describes how the feminine heart can be restored, and casts a vision for the power, freedom, and beauty of a woman released to be all she was meant to be.

I first read Captivating about 5 years ago. I was a non christian and I went to a Captivating retreat in CO it changed my life. I am now a Christian and fully engaged in a relationship with my heavenly father.

This is an amazing book and truly everyone should read it. I had a hard time thinking it wasn't for me, i don't feel that way and I am not "screwed up enough" well those were all lies. This book and the Ransomed Heart team have changed my life.

I truly encourage everyone who can to get this book and read it. Be patient and take the time to truly read it and asorb the material.

Book Review- How to reach your full potentional

How To Reach Your Full Potential For God is the newest book by Charles Stanley. In this book, he deals with Christians who settle for less than God's best. In doing so, he points to 7 essentials to live an abundant Christian life:

Essential 1: A clean heart
Essential 2: A clear mind
Essential 3: Using your gifts
Essential 4: A healthy body
Essential 5: Right relationships
Essential 6: A balanced schedule
Essential 7: Taking God-approved risks


Principle 1: Every person has potential
Principle 2: Every person has been created to bring God glory
Principle 3: No one can reach his potential without the Father's help
Principle 4: No potential without spiritual dimension
Principle 5: Only he knows the limits of your potential

IF you are a fan of Charles Stanley, you will not be disappointed. This is a good book and easy read for any new convert or any seasoned believer who wants to review some basic Biblical principles.

I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson book review bloggers program.

Crazy Love- Spreading it around....

There is a blog i follow and read every post.Linny is an amazing woman, follower of an awesome mountain moving Awe inspiring God, mother of many adopted and fighter for all.

She inspires me and often moves me to tears. She has had many trials in her life but comes out on top and through all that she shares her heart. Truthfully, honestly and humbly with us.



It's an honor to be able to read her blog to share in her life! Love ya Linny!!!



Now Crazy love if her recent post. It's pretty much about giving back, paying it forward, offering your last dime and walking in faith.



Here are some other blogs who has amazing - chill to the bone stories of "Crazy Love"

Shayleejoy

Adoption Love

Moving to Mali

Hope for Haiti

My Heart's Cry

there are several more out on Linny's blog: A Place Called Simplicity

It takes a bold move to be able to ask for help, well I know it does for me. It's hard to be weak, and humble. Don't we always want people to think we have it all together and under control.
Okay so maybe that is just me. I have so many wants, needs, and desires that I wouldn't know where to start on asking for help. and what do you ask for? what's acceptable? I would love to go on a missions trip. That has been a true heart's desire of mine for along time now. Longing to go, to truly be humbled, to look into the eyes of those who love purely from their heart with no strings attached.

Looking around me i see alot of things, things we have accumulated over the years, things that we could live without, the abundant life we live compared to so many others yet there is always something that needs to change or has to be done. I hate living paycheck to paycheck. scrapping, living in the fear of what if we don't make it and how are we going to pull that off. I don't want to live there. God is so much bigger then that and doesn't want us to live in those places. We are to lay everything down and give it over to him. Every day when i get home from work i am reminded of the things we need:new windows, new flooring, new cabinets, new bathrooms, new doors. things need fixing and improving and updating- we don't have the time or the money or the know how. The flower beds are empty, the siding on the house needs replacing as do the gutters. It's a painful reminder yet when i think of those in Haiti living in tents and their homes that have crumbled how can i ask or want or complain. I can't.

I would love to spend more time giving back to others, just truly being his light in this world.

In what ways can you help spread the love and do you need Crazy Love in your life right now?

Contest New Living Translation Bible

The New Living Translation Break Through to Clarity Bible Contest and Giveaway
Visit www.facebook.com/NewLivingTranslation and click on the tab that says “Sweepstakes”
Fill out a simple form, take a quick Bible clarity survey, invite your friends to join and you’ll be entered to win one of our exciting prizes.
With each fan number milestone a new prize will be given away.
Grand Prize
Apple iPad 64G and a Life Application Study Bible
Awarded when the NLT Fan Page hits the fifth milestone
Retail Value: $829.00
2nd Prize - Already awarded
32G iPod Touch and a Life Application Study Bible
Awarded when the NLT Fan Page hits the fourth milestone
Retail Value: $300.00
3rd Prize – Will be awarded when fan count hits: 3500
Kindle DX and a Life Application Study Bible
Awarded when the NLT Fan Page hits the third milestone
Retail Value: $489.00
4th Prize Will be awarded when fan count hits: TBD
Apple iPad 16G and a Life Application Study Bible
Awarded when the New Living Translation Fan Page hits the second milestone
Retail Value: $499.00
5th Prize Will be awarded when fan count hits: TBD
Apple iPad 32G and a Life Application Study Bible
Awarded when the NLT Fan Page hits the first milestone
Retail Value: $599.00

Prize Eligibility – Recently updated to include more countries
Sweepstakes participants and winner(s) can be U.S. residents of the 50 United States, or residents of any country that is NOT embargoed by the United States, but cannot be residents of Belgium, Norway, Sweden, or India. In addition, participants and winner(s) must be at least 18 years old, as determined by the Company.

Sweepstakes Starts
March 17, 2010 @ 10:24 am (PDT)

Sweepstakes Ends
April 30, 2010 @ 10:24 am (PDT)


Wait, there’s more!
Visit http://biblecontest.newlivingtranslation.com/index.php for a chance to win a trip for two to Hawaii!
Here are the details:
Choose one of six passages of Scripture from the New Living Translation and consider:
How do these verses encourage you to know God better?
What is God teaching you in this passage?
How does this passage apply to your life?
Submit your answer and you’ll be entered to win.
Just for signing up: Everybody Wins! Win a Free .mp3 download from the NLT’s new Red Letters Project. It’s the dynamic, new presentation of the sung and narrated words of the Gospel of Matthew. You win the download just for entering! Or choose to download the NLT Philippians Bible Study, complete with the Book of Philippians in the NLT.
Every day, one person will win the best-selling Life Application Study Bible!
The grand prize: One person will win a fantastic trip for two to the crystal clear waters of the Turtle Bay Resort on Oahu’s North Shore in beautiful Hawaii.

Compassion Bloggers in Kenya

The Compassion team landed in Kenya yesterday and they are all starting to write posts and update us. My heart just aches and goes out to people around the world. God certainly has been stirring something up in my lately to go on a trip, not a vacation but someplace where I can see his beauty and get real.

Over the years I have taken so much for granted and just relied on things well that others don't even know what they are. Running water, toilets that flush, garbage disposals.... light switches. the little things in our every day lives that we have and over look.

What i would give right now to put myself in someone else's shoes to see the grace, mercy, joy and hope real and alive. I see it now sometimes but I believe what Jennifer McKinney has captured in her pictures is REAL and is ALIVE... it doesn't get any more pure then this.

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Compassion Bloggers,
Thank you for making 'Help Haiti Live' a success! More than 30,000 people tuned in to see at least a portion of the concert streamed live at HelpHaitiLive.com. Thousands were donated and because of that many Haitian families will continue to receive the care they need in the wake of January's quake. Thank you. 'Help Haiti Live' would not have happened without your on-line support.

THIS MONTH:We turn our on-line attention this month to Kenya. Six bloggers are joining me and our staff in Nairobi March 4-10 to see the ministry of Compassion firsthand and post about it daily in hopes that hundreds of readers will sponsor Kenyan children on-line.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT:
1. Pray: For safety, health, families we leave behind, children awaiting sponsorship, hearts and minds of readers to be opened by God to trust and give.
2. Post: About the trip on your blog, Twitter, Facebook, etc. Link to http://compassionbloggers.com/kenya where the world can see every post, pic and video from our week in Kenya.
3. Read: Follow our blogs, link to posts you like, and encourage those who write them. Every kind word helps.Thank you in advance for making our fifth Compassion Bloggers trip a success for the children of Kenya.

Want to go on a trip with us? Got to http://compassionbloggers.com/get-involved and fill out the 'Take A Trip' form.

Shaun Groves
Blogger Manager
CompassionBloggers.com
Compassion.com
1-888-435-3336

A Friend's Haiti Update

SO HE SAID, "GO FORTH AND STAND ON THE MOUNTAIN BEFORE THE LORD "
AND BEHOLD, THE LORD WAS PASSING BY! AND A GREAT AND STRONG WIND
WAS RENDING THE MOUNTAINS AND BREAKING IN PIECES THE ROCKS BEFORE THE LORD;
BUT THE LORD WAS NOT IN THE WIND.
AND AFTER THE WIND AN EARTHQUAKE, BUT THE LORD WAS NOT IN THE EARTHQUAKE.
AFTER THE EARTHQUAKE A FIRE, BUT THE LORD WAS NOT IN THE FIRE;
AND AFTER THE FIRE A SOUND OF A GENTLE BLOWING.
WHEN ELIJAH HEARD IT, HE WRAPPED HIS FACE IN HIS MANTLE
AND WENT OUT AND STOOD IN THE ENTRANCE OF THE CAVE AND BEHOLD,
A VOICE CAME TO HIM AND SAID, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, ELIJAH?"
1 KINGS 19:11-13
Scripture used by Haitian pastor in Port-au-Prince Church on Sunday February 7, 2010

Week 1: PORT-AU-PRINCE JAN 19, 2010
I leave for Haiti on a small jet with a team from Medical Teams International. The transportation and fuel is generously provided by a private company. We fly high above the other air traffic at 44,000 ft. and descend upon Port-au-Prince.
We are given only a few short minutes to land and de-board. Each ‘slot’ on the tarmac is timed and accounted for. Aircraft quickly land and take off making room for the next arrival. The roar of helicopters, jets and massive Air Force cargo planes is deafening. UN vehicles and armed soldiers are everywhere. I see the American flag on a military ATV and am thankful that my country is already on the ground, responding to this disaster. I can’t help but notice all the Hearts for Hope HAITI wounded Haitians sitting under a tarp, lined up in chairs with casts and crutches, as though curiously watching this theatrical buzz of activity at the airport to pass away the time. Later I learn that these are only a few of the thousands of hopefuls…trying
to leave the country. I leave the airport, my pocket full of torn papers with names and addresses scribbled on them…given to me by desperate people in the mob that presses in on us while we wait for transportation to headquarters.
King’s Hospital in Port-au-Prince has about 25 beds…and new cracks in the walls that are being checked frequently by engineers.
The building is yet unfinished. It wasn’t scheduled to open quite yet, but the earthquake changed that plan. Patients with broken bones, burns and unseen emotional trauma arrive in a constant stream. Many post-ops have their ‘bed’ outdoors in the dirt under the trees. Because of fear, many others would prefer to be outdoors. When the aftershocks come, they find their way
outside… quickly. A young man in his 20’s is admitted, screaming in anguish and pain over his crushed great toe. The wound is infected. He will have to have an amputation. As I care for him, he breaks out in a familiar song, “This is the day. This is the day that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made. I will rejoice. I will rejoice and be glad in it”…He moans intermittently through the verses. This is the strength only God can give. I am amazed. In the operating room, the surgeons are completing their 4th amputation for the week. Then his case will begin.
I scrub into surgery with Dr.Lou Zirkle and his team. There is no electricity, no suction, and no X-Ray. The operating room is hot and humid. None of these obstacles seem to matter. Dr. Zirkle is gaining world renown for his SIGN method of internally fixating femur fractures in developing nations…and this disaster has provided hundreds of cases for his marvelous method to be
put to use. At the end of the long day and only 2 cases, I am sopping wet and exhausted. Placing all my weight on the broken legs to give traction for several hours while the surgeons worked is quite a workout.
One little girl particularly moves our staff to action. She comes in with serious burns to her face and neck. She had felt the initial shaking of the quake and ran out of her house, only to be run over by a car, the hot exhaust pipe severely burning her fragile body. Miraculously, she got up and ran back into the house to save her mother just before the house collapsed. MTI is able to
get her on a flight to Florida for follow-up burn care and grafting.

Week 2-BALOOSE, SUBURB OF PORT-AU-PRINCE
Dr. Steve, Carol, RN, and I are assigned to Baloose. The sight is the private grounds of the Haitian Baptist Seminary in a hilly suburb of Port-au-Prince. It is estimated that anywhere from 2,500-4000 people are camping on the grass here at night. We have come to provide medical care. It is just one of literally thousands of IDP (Internally Displaced People) camps in and outside of the city. Sheets, tarps…and star-studded sky providing the shelter for these wounded people. The night I arrive, I hear singing outside my window; I decide to go see where this ‘choir’ is practicing. As I walk down the hill, hundreds of people crowd the grounds. Standing and singings praises, their hands are lifted high in the warm night air. They are dancing and swaying to the worship music flowing out of an outdoor PA system. I join them. There is little room to move. I will never forget the feeling of this night’s experience. It is a taste of heaven in the midst of a hellish nightmare. Only the touch of God can bring such a sweet melody to a thousand broken hearts. Patients sit in chairs waiting all day to be seen by our little team. This is when I am reminded of the prayers being said on my behalf. Where does my strength come from? Where does this love come from that flows from the depth of my being? His presence is felt. I listen to countless heartbreaking stories. A 24 yo woman complains of a head wound. “A building collapsed and hit me in the head.” I remove the dressing from 42yo Sergo’s arm wound to find bone exposed and huge chunks of muscle cut away…an incredibly complicated injury. Amazingly, he has full use of his hand. We refer him to another facility where he can receive the care he needs. An 11yo girl sits on a chair in front of me, trying to hold on to the squirming 1 month old baby in her skinny arms. She is obviously ill at ease with the infant. She tells me that she is the only person able to care for the baby whose family perished. Her complaint, “The baby is not eating”. Loveson, 28y, a handsome young man, winces as I remove the poorly placed stitches from his crushed nose. His wound is infected. His face is seriously disfigured. I talk to him about the love of the Lord. He looks at me and says, “I am a Christian. I know God allowed this to happen to me because he knew I would be able to handle it.” Another young girl holds her little waif of a sister, Coraly, in her lap. I have to give Coraly painful wound care. It is so hard to inflict more pain on this precious little one…but I know it is for her good. She is one of 5 sisters
left to fend for themselves after losing their mom and 15 other family members. No dad is in the picture. Little Coraly, may Jesus help you and be your Mommy and Daddy. Francise and Tranquile are 2 elderly women in their ~80’s that Carol and I find on the grass in the heat of the midday sun. They seem so helpless just sitting in the midst of the crowd, baking to death.
They are both suffering from mild dehydration. We hang a couple IV’s on them and get them to a cooler spot. Jean, 25y, tells me how he crushed his finger while digging through the rubble of his home. I can smell alcohol on his breath and sense a profound despondency in his demeanor. As I suture his finger, I share the hope of Christ with him. I feel a deep love and compassion
for him, knowing that I, too, once turned to alcohol to deal with pain. It is so natural to talk with him in a nonjudgmental way. But for the grace of God I go. He returns for wound care several days later with a huge smile on his face sharing that he surrendered his life to Christ. Tears of joy flow from my eyes. In one day, we admit 7 patients to the Israeli hospital. Two are woman with broken pelvises who somehow find their way to our station. They have been untreated since the quake…2 weeks of living with an untreated broken pelvis. We return to headquarters in Port-au-Prince. I join a team with the 82nd Airborne Unit that has made field assessments and is accompanying our medical volunteers to IDP camps where people have not received medical attention. Several of the clinics we hold in the next few days have tense moments when we are grateful for what seems to be overkill at first: a group of fully armed soldiers in combat attire fending off the desperate crowd.

Weeks 3 & 4-LAOGANE AND OUTLYING MOBILE CLINICS
I guess Laogane is pretty close to the epicenter. Getting there is a sport: trying to get through mobs of people, traffic and cracks in the pavement. Our team spends several days at a time there. Some days the trip between camp and Port-au-Prince takes an hour. Some days it takes over 2 hours. We sleep in tents on the grounds of the Ayuda à Haiti (Help Haiti) headquarters:
a Non-profit organization from the Dominican Republic. We are joined by humanitarian aid workers from around the world. The make-shift mobile hospital is just a big circle of open tents. Examiners take their places and the hundreds of patients who are checked in early in the morning wait under tarps for their turn to be seen…sometimes all day. I seize the few
minutes I have in the morning before heading to my examining tent to sit on a broken block, and sing songs and witness to the hundreds of people gathered there. Their laughter and smiles fuel me for the long day of work ahead. It is in Laogane where I learn about the MRE: meals ready to eat (the soldiers clue me in on the best ones) and also that SOS means “Save our Ship”. In Haiti, it is a cry for food and water…or any attention at all. Handmade signs are everywhere.
At the mobile hospital it becomes clear that my dental tools might come in handy. Dr. Steve encouraged me to bring a small set. “Bring them just in case…you never know!” he said wisely before we left the US. So, in the midst of disaster relief, I find myself extracting teeth, with my audience of wishful patients growing each day. To prevent a riot, I develop my own system
of turning patients away. I draw numbers out of the hat at the end of the day, reminding my patients, “I am not God!” I guess the hardest part is knowing the disappointment of those I can’t treat. I am reminded that these people, in the midst of all their other suffering, are victims of chronic abscesses and tooth pain. Few of them have had any dental care at all before
the earthquake. Charles, 6y, comes with half of his face twice normal size as well as his eye nearly swollen shut. He has a fever of almost 103 degrees. I have a special drug that I am able to give him to sedate him and make the extraction extremely easy. Pus flows from the wound. His mother is so sweet and caring, so attentive to him. After he gets his antibiotics and medical
intervention for the fever and abscess, they are on their way. Once again, I am grateful I have something to offer these people that blesses them. We go even deeper into the rural areas to hold several mobile clinics. On 2 occasions, we actually hold clinic at the sight of voodoo temples. Apparently this area is known for its heavy concentration of voodoo practice. While we are treating the witchdoctor as a patient, our souls are being bathed with the sounds of worship from the tiny Christian church on the other side of the hedge. It is such an obvious example of the light dispelling the darkness. I only get ‘violently’ sick once…and just ‘regular’ sick another time. It is a small price to pay. At the headquarters in Portau-Prince, I have made some very special Haitian friends. It is the group of people who live and sleep outdoors on the grounds of the mission. The kids are particularly fun. When I get home at the end of the long hard day, or have been gone for several days and return, they all run up to me, take my bags and guitar…and are ready to ‘play’. I fight the urge to crash out and go outside to join them. We dance. We sing. We color and make crafts. I am so glad I don’t give in to my physical exhaustion…just yet…this is too precious of a moment to pass up. Commercial flights to Haiti are supposed to begin again on the 19th of February…just in time to take me back. It was just too perfect a ‘fit’. As I return to the devastated nation I left behind, I am reminded of a Scripture:

“BY MY GOD, I CAN LEAP OVER A WALL.”
PSALMS 18:29

It seems so a propos in the lives of those Haitians in whom I saw such tremendous inner strength, strength that came from their unwavering faith in a God that has helped them “leap over a wall”…the wall that came crashing down upon them.

Thank you for your prayers and financial support.
All His in 2010 –Kris