Julia- My 5 yr old told me the other night about how excited she is that when she grows up she could one day wear my wedding dress and be beautiful.
My Heart sank at that moment. I don't have a wedding dress and didn't have a wedding dress when i married her father.
Marco and I this August have been together 10 years. We got married 9/14/2006. It was a Thursday, downtown Seattle at the Courthouse. We had orginally planned to get married down at the Kirkland Waterfront in this beautiful little gazebo they have there. That week Julia and I both were terribly sick, I was frustrated because I was trying to plan and arrange everything. We didn't have anyone to marry us, no cake and it was exhausting. The weather report said it was suppose to be cold and raining. I think my heart was broken and I gave up. A few days prior to the Saturday wedding date I just decided it was too much, it wasn't going to come together and it just wouldn't be what my heart wanted or needed so to avoid disappoinment I said there wasn't going to be an event that we were just going to the courthouse.
Little did I know years later my longing,my hearts cry, my need and want are to have those photos, those memories to be able to pass down a dress to my princess Julia. To be able to share that moment and that day with a heart full of love and joy. I don't have that.
Every once in awhile I catch myself "Oh wouldn't it be great to get married on 10-10-10 during our 10 years together" to have something special come togehter with friends and family. To have that first dance, the song, the kiss... it just makes me cry thinking about it. It is such a deep want/need in my heart.
I remember a few years ago we went to our church's Valentine dinner, they did a slideshow of the couples. The men were suppose to send in photos of them and their spouse, wedding day photos. We didn't have anything. Not one picture of us together. Marco didn't send anything in, it hurt. It was a firey dart to the deep core part of me. "we aren't like the others" I know those things don't define us but ya know sometimes it sure does.
I just had to share - I had to get it out- becasue it's a need!
Do it, have a small ceremony with friends and cake and special dress and everything. Have a renewal of vows. Lots of people do it.
ReplyDeleteOh, Tammie, of course your heart yearns for this. But, you will have it with Christ as your bridegroom. You can also have it here with Marco. Your friends would love to surround you while you repeat your commitment.
ReplyDeleteI'm having such a hard time putting what I feel in words. Maybe we can talk about it on the trip. Maybe God wants to talk to you about it while we're in Colorado. Be willing. :)
Love you!