Today was suppose to be day 1 for me but well today has pretty much been a serious battle.
I was up at 5:45am - out the door by 6:06am the GPS couldn't find the shoreline address thankfully i had printed hte directions the night before so off I went.
Traffic was horrid- it was pouring and pitch black - I have never really been to shoreline andI am not familiar with that are at all so I missed the streets had to keep turning around after I passed them- finally found the Senior center which the campus is huge so I was in out of a few parking lots before I found the senior center door- to which the door was locked - there were only 2 cars in the parking lot and it was 6:40am.
What was suppose to be 15-20 minute drive turned into 30 and now that I was there had no idea where to go becasue it was pitch black in the building and the doors I tried were all locked.
I was frustrated- disappointed - and then all the old tapes started playing in my mind "see you shouldn't be doing this, why bother, you knew you couldn't get here on time, you are going to fail" so I was rather bummed.
I sat there until 7 becasue I wanted to see if anyone came out of the doors- about 7:02 on the other side of the building around the corner ladies started pouring out of the bldg. I drove over to see where the door was- back behind the building in the recreation center.
Then off I raced to get back home to get the JR higher to school. Traffic again horrid but i knew where i was going. got home about 7:35 got her to school.
At home they all asked me in their excited voices- HOW WAS IT- part of me wanted to hide and lie- I didn't want to let them down- I didn't want to be a failure which i really felt like it. I had already blown in a huge way day 1.
I promised i would stay real and share the expereinces with people , this is as real as I can get. I know I am not the only one who struggles. When things like this happen it is also when my food battle takes over and I want to fall to food for control and comfort.
The other 3 ladies are truly amazing and awesome we have been talking to each other every day and its been such a blessing for us to be connected like we are.
We need your prayers-